un-resoluted

I have been MIA for awhile now...
2 months?
Do you know I have an almost 4 year old, and my baby is 16 months? Wowser.
I cannot lie. I have a small addiction. Facebook. And blogging. Not writing my blog, but scanning millions of others blogs. The problem is that scanning these blogs make me feel like a lazy, messy, horrible awful mom. Are people really that perfect? With all their love for their kids, husbands and great deals. And their perfectly de-fingerprinted houses, dusted shelves, and scrubbed floors? And then add to that the ability to decorate, craft, and remake shirts that saved them 97$ from Anthropologie?

I have no pictures of all the crafts I have made. I did paint a wall in my house, but I have yet to get a picture of it, and the couch in front of said wall is still in disarray.
My children are growing and as cute as ever. Half naked, with syrup in their hair and chocolate on their faces, and usually a bum cheek hanging out of a diaper. Usually crying and begging me to get off the computer.
I am scared to turn on my ceiling fan for fear one of the chunks of dust will fall off and my baby will think it cotton candy and eat if before I can snatch it out of her hand. A bit too honest?
I guess my point is I read blogs, and feel my writing cannot compare, except to complain.

But...with the new year brings a whole new realm of Kacy. Actually, I really just hope to spend a little less time worried about the lives of my favorite photo/decorate/craft/wondermommy blogs and less time worried about the dork that lived up the street from me growing up who I haven't talked to in 14 years except to see all his pictures on facebook...And worry more about these little booger noses in my own house, and show off the things I have done, not to show off really, but maybe to boost my own sense of accomplishment.

And Im going to lose 30 pounds.
And quit chocolate. It gives me headaches.
And start saving money and quit shopping so much (online of course)
And be a more patient & attentive mom. Not the "im busy" mom.
Miracles happen, right?

I look towards the new year with a sense of relief. That the holidays are over, that I will miraculously have a cleared head, and I can work on me and my family and my house.
But I look toward the new year with a sense of dread, also. Within the first 2 months of the year, I turn 30...and my oldest turns the grown up age of 4! Eee--gads.
I think I will go shopping now. Nothing like a little retail therapy, and its not the new year YET. That and I have a gift card calling to me softly from my purse.